Broken Bird
by LonelyNomad
Summary: Set in the Star Wars universe using original charaters to tell a story.
1. Chapter 1

This is a story I wrote and wanted to publish for a while. It's set in the Star Wars universe and you do meet Jedi once, but that is as far as the connection goes. The characters Tina and Mickey are mine, though I acknowledge basing Mickey off a character from a Kelly Armstrong novel.

Star wars does not belong to me (obviously) and I have no claim to the setting of the characters (i.e. technology or planets, though I tried to make the names original).

WARNING: This is a novella that I wrote after breaking up from a long-term abusive relationship, and as such the cast may not always react as expected, mainly because I was not exactly in the best state of mind when I wrote it. I want to publish it now and move on and I would love any comments you would be willing to make, but I would beg you to leave only positive constructive criticisms for now.

* * *

"Hey!" a voice called, and I turned. A man was marching across the docks, furious. It took only a glance around to see that I was the target.

"What?" I said, as I went back to looking over my lists. I had settled into the sun by my ship, on a cushion on the ground with all my trade papers and tablets spread in front of me. If he wanted to yell at me, he could do so, but he didn't have to expect that I would listen. I was taking off in twenty minutes after all, and needed to go over the papers.

"I need to talk to you!" he said angrily, striding up to where I was sitting. I didn't look up. I noticed his accent was strange, drawn out like an old-fashioned drawl that you saw in cowboy movies.

"Really? You seem to be doing so already, or is that just me?" I said calmly, which only seemed to anger him further.

"You have my goods on your ship" he snapped through clenched teeth.

"And what goods would that be, then? I have many goods on this ship." I was unconcerned.

There were security cameras in this area; he wouldn't dare lay a finger on me. If he did, I would go to the magistrate.

He didn't answer me, so after a minute I looked up. He was staring at me, like he was trying to figure me out. Then it clicked what _goods_ he thought I had on my ship.

"I'm a _legal_ trader." I snarled. "The magistrate himself signed off on my cargo, its more than my life's worth to transport you _goods_" I spat the word, and his eyebrows snapped together.

He seemed to be gathering himself up for something, but I turned away again. "Feel free to have a look around" I said, he swore and strode off. Once he was by the ship, I grinned softly, waiting for it.

"Woman!" he called and I ignored him again. "You! I can't get on the ship! Open it up, or I swear I will blast it to pieces" at that I laughed. Standing up, I turned to him, looking at him properly for the first time.

He was dressed simply but elegantly, like a businessman on a holiday. Brown hairs lay tumbled on his head, skin lightly tanned. If I hadn't known he was a drug dealer, I would think he was attractive.

"I said 'look around': not anything about getting on my ship." I challenged, hands on my hips. "And please, do try to shot it- the barracks are just two rooms down the only corridor out of here." He hesitated at that, and then looked around, noting I was right. The place looked like it was a warren, but when you actually got a handle on it, it was remarkably simple. Each landing pod was carved out of the rock off three central passages, and all the rooms on the side were quarters and storage and offices. No back doors here, no sneaking around, and he knew it, and knew that I would have few scruples in calling all the senate soldiers in the barracks.

"Then tell me: do you have my things on your ship?" he asked, as if trying to be nice. I smiled victoriously.

"No." I said, and he threw his hands up in frustration.

"I have grain, rice, fruit and spice onboard" I listed, while he listened carefully. "Some machines I'm transporting to the central market, and a box of personal belongings that the magistrate is paying me to drop at his home planet." This the man zoned in to.

"What's in the box?" he asked. I shrugged.

"I don't look. It's not my business, and that's how I get the good deals: I don't stick my nose in" his eyes narrowed, and I knew he was trying to find a way of getting that box. He stepped up to me, face going from conniving to gracious. I suspected what he was about to do, and I stepped back quickly.

"I don't want you to do that" I said quickly. It would be really bad for my dealings to get enamoured with this man. Connor, my mechanic who I often worked with when I was relaxing, would say I was in a 'hell of a mess' going down that road.

"Really?" the man said his voice smooth and alluring. I tried to tune it out.

"I'm engaged" I gasped, saying the first thing that came to mind. "Please don't try, I'm not the unfaithful type" bullocks I knew, but it might get him to back off. It seemed to work, as he stepped back and looked at me curiously. I refused to be stared at, so I headed back to the papers. Before I sat down, a hand grabbed my shoulder.

In that instant I reacted, grabbing his hand and flinging him over my hip to land on the ground. He was quick enough on his feet to roll and jump up before I could jump on him. He tried to kick my legs out from under me and I struck out, going for his nose. He moved back and in that instant I shot my other arm out and grabbed his outstretched foot, yanking as hard as I could. He landed on the ground with me on his chest, knees on his elbows, and my arm to his throat.

Cold metal tickled the back of my neck, and I turned my head slightly. There was another stranger behind me, gun to my skull. I backed off.

"Well, that was entertaining" the man commented, dusting himself off as he stood, eyes on me kneeling on the ground, gun still in my neck.

I spat on the floor. He raised an eyebrow.

"Now, is that any way to treat a friend?" he asked, and I snorted.

"No, but I don't see any friends, so I act any way I want to" I retorted, trying to move my mind from the blind panic at the idea of having my head blown off.

"Ah, but I want to be your friend" he drawled in a happy way crouching down to me. "You see, I'm always on the lookout for good people. Even if that means being tossed into the dirt" I averted my eyes, knowing that this was where my life hung in the balance.

"I'm a legal trader" I said, not looking up. I felt the gun tickling the back of my neck, and panic started to rise in my throat like bile. "Legal. I transport goods and trade. I don't stick my nose where it don't belong" I waited for the shot and for death, but instead felt his fingers pull my face up.

I knew now there was no way to hide the fear in me.

"Shh" he said softly, and then passed a hand in front of me. I knew I should know that gesture, but a moment later, my mind seemed to disconnect and I simply stared blankly at him.

"Now, what is your name?" he asked.

"Tina Lingon" I said

"So, Tina, do you have any of my drugs on your ship?" he continued, and I shook my head. A small part of me was still able to think and was screaming, trying to wrest control back.

"The box from the magistrate has other things" my voice said.

"What things?"

"Things that is bad if people know them. He trades with unrefined malachite. Its illegal, so he has me move it in teddy bears for his children" the man whistled slightly. Unrefined malachite was highly valuable but also something that was automatically the senate's possession. You could get into big trouble if you traded it.

"Do you have any family, Tina?" he asked suddenly, and again I shook my head. The little voice in my mind begged me to say nothing, but of course my mouth opened.

"I was sold to the orphanage on Mede six. I have a friend who calls me her little sister. She lives in a colony." The man's face expression didn't change, so I guessed that in his profession it was not uncommon to have no family. Only those that had no one that could be blackmailed dared to defy the law in a way that could get you executed out here on the outer rim.

"Are you really engaged?" he asked, now a slight smile twisting his face.

"No, I said that to make to stay away" my voice replied tonelessly. If I had control of my body I would have buried my face in my hands.

"And why do you want me to stay away?"

"Because it's a bad idea to fall for a drug dealer"

"Do you have a lover, Tina?"

"No."

"Would you like one?" his voice had turned soft.

"Yes" I replied and in that instant the pull of embarrassment was strong enough for me to break his hold. I flung my hands up to shield my face. "I cannot believe I told you all that" I said, muffled my sleeve.

I head him laugh, and he took my hand, pulling me to my feet.

"Don't worry, no one but us heard it." he assured me, and I made a face at him.

"Yeah, just you and me and the guy with a gun to my back" the man laughed again.

"Oh don't worry about Milligan, he's alright."

"Then can I know to whom I just spilled my guts?" I said sarcastically.

"Mickey" he said, smiling.

"Mickey what?" I asked. "To have a crony, you must have some status." Mickey raised an eyebrow.

"Milligan isn't a crony, he's my second."

"No." I said decisively. "Only drug lords have second's" I turned to look at Milligan, who was standing a few feet away going through my papers.

"Hey! Those are my things!" I called as he took one sheaf and folded it, tucking it into his jacket.

"Don't worry, I'll have one of my men get your things together" Mickey said easily.

"And another to take care of the security feed that's taping all this, drug lord?" I said sarcastically, and he looked at me sharply.

"Where is the camera?" he asked, and I pointed at an alcove. There was a slight red light. He nodded, pulled out a communicator and ordered someone to delete the feed.

I walked towards my ship, and almost casually Milligan walked up beside me as I went to the door. He held my papers and the pillow I had been sitting on.

"You're not getting in" I said defiantly.

"Yes, we are." Mickey said, easily at my other side. "You get to do your first charter: fly us home" he said easily.

"And I thought my life used to be messed up" I muttered, placing a hand on the hull.

"101311" I intoned and the small green light blinked three times, analyzing my voice, and then opened the door.

"Voice analysis, fingerprint and palm analysis, on top of code recognition" Milligan said dryly. "This kind of technology hasn't reached the outer rim yet." I ignored him and walked onto my ship. The two lagged behind, looking around. There was a slight mess on the table, but they probably wouldn't notice.

The ship was my pet. It was the only home in the universe that I had, and I lavished on it. The inside was luxurious, with thick beige carpet and light walls. The furniture was all actual leather or wood, well cobbled and smooth. The table was solid, with four chairs by it, and only one used pulled out slightly. The sofa had pillows on either side showing where the one person who lived on this vessel watched movies. I saw that my last movie was still paused on the screen. I glanced at the far wall, where a fresco was half finished. I had outlined and painted a good deal, so the warm landscape was clearly discernible. I passed through the door on the left side of the room to a small cockpit with space for two people. It was full of panels and buttons, showing some more technology that had yet to reach the outer rim, and some more that was custom made and not really ready to reach even the inner circles for a long time.

I sat into the chair, going through the flight checks and reporting the takeoff. There was a note from the magistrate about the box mentioning the teddies, and I assured him he children would get their teddies by that evening, well in time for their birthdays. I ignored the fact that these children seemed to have several birthdays a year.

I was granted takeoff, and lifted off, setting a straight course to the magistrate's home, only four hours away. Then the two on board could wait another day or so, while I finished my business. I hit a switch, and observed on a little screen as the pulse knocked them both unconscious. Putting the coordinates into the computer and calculating the right light jumps, I leaned back. This was going to get interesting.

Standing up when we were nearing the planet for the drop, I left the cockpit, locking it behind me. The two were unconscious still. I paused to pull them up onto the sofa before getting the box and sending it off. It had a little pod of its own that flew it down to his house. His wife was expecting it, and would take the pod back to her husband when she visited him next.

I set off to my next point, and then settled in to make dinner. They might wake up around dinner time, so I cheerfully made more than one could eat.

I was standing frying up the vegetables when an arm slipped around my throat, closing off my air supply.

"You really shouldn't have done that" Mickey growled into my ear.

"Hungry?" I asked simply, not bothering to use the air I had on explanations. "We will be a market tomorrow, and you can leave there." The pressure on my throat lessened, and he stepped back. I breathed in.

"How long have we been out?" he asked. His voice was cold.

"Oh, maybe five hours?" I said easily. "There's a panel over to the right where you can contact your people. Don't bother trying to get them to trace it" Mickey turned and headed for the panel. He tapped in a sequence and started to talk. I listened with one ear as I added the rice to the vegetables in the pan.

He was excusing his silence, saying he had a 'sensitive' deal he had going, and that he would be back tomorrow. He even had the cheek to say that he 'had something on the magistrate' that would be useful. I knew I could kiss goodbye to free docking on that planet.

Dumping the food onto three plates, I cleared the table by the simple expedience of pushing the things on it out of the way. Mickey was watching me again, with the same evaluating stare, but that Milligan person wasn't to be seen.

"Where's your second?" I asked lightly, settling myself and beginning to eat.

"Having a look around." Mickey replied, not breaking his stare. I shrugged, knowing he wouldn't break the lock on my bedroom. It might be paranoid to lock your bedroom in a ship that couldn't be blown open, but I really didn't want people in there. Not unless I invited them in, but that was another matter.

Milligan didn't appear, and Mickey still didn't move.

"Eat! You get hungry from that pulse, it's no good letting your blood sugar level drop" I said easily

"That's not the only sugar on this ship" said another voice. It was Milligan, and I saw he was standing in the doorway. The doorway that Mickey had been blocking by standing in front of. The doorway that led into my bedroom. I stood up, enraged.

"How dare you!" I snarled. "That is my bedroom. It's private."

"You abducted us" Mickey said simply.

"That's different. This is different" I snarled back, furious. "If abducting is an insult, this is like shoving your hand down someone's trousers!" I felt tears prickle at the edges of my eyes. Mickey looked surprised.

"I should have blown you into space" I snapped, grabbing my plate and dumping the rest in the bin, not hungry any more. I felt the tears of anger bead in my eyes, unable to stop shaking. No one had ever walked in there except me, not a single person, and now this stranger had looked through it.

I slapped my palm against the desk to try to siphon the anger away, but when it didn't work I turned, and walked up to Milligan. Both men seemed rooted to the spot by shock. Grabbing the syringe in his hand I slapped his face.

"You don't have any idea do you?" I snapped. "When I said I was sold to the orphanage that should have given you the idea. That room was mine. The one place I am safe. It's sacrosanct, you bastard." Walking past them, I put the syringe back in the small hygiene unit attached to the bedroom. I looked around, seeing that nothing had been moved, that if he had touched things he hadn't stirred their place.

I took a couple of deep breaths, and then walked out, locking it again behind me. They wouldn't go in again. The two were still staring at me.

"Eat" I said. "We will be at market in the morning. You can use the sofa and the second room; just move the things on the bed." Then I walked back to the cockpit, and locked myself in.


	2. Chapter 2

I sat in the chair for over an hour, trying to get myself back down to earth. It had been stupid, but I thought over what had happened, and wondered where I had done the wrong thing. He had been the one to come to me, he had yelled at me, his second had held a gun to my head, he had….

I gasped. He had used the force on me. That's where I knew about it! Everyone knew that if a Jedi waved his hand in your face you spilled your guts. How a Jedi became a drug lord, I was not sure I wanted to know. This made me feel slightly better in a horrid way. If he was Jedi trained, that meant I would have been able to do nothing to change the situation. I leaned over, and tapped the door lock to the cockpit, adding voice recognition to the lock mechanisms. I guessed that they had copied my fingerprints for the bedroom lock, but would find it hard to emulate my voice.

Glancing at the screen, I saw them eating, and reading through my papers. I wished them fun, having the code books in the room with me; the papers out there were gibberish if you didn't know the style I noted things in. I zoomed in suspiciously, and saw Milligan had that paper he had tucked away in his pocket open in front of him, and was reading numbers to Mickey's incredulous face. It was my yearly earnings, and projections. I knew that if you didn't know how much I actually travelled you could think I had low earnings, but I didn't have another home than this ship, and had no problems with being alone. I had rarely been alone when I was younger, day or night, so now it felt good. I worked on big projects like painting an entire wall. Small but worthwhile trades went fast for me and I could spend months doing nothing but flying back and forwards earning a small fortune which I would later spend on my ship or my adopted older sister.

Turning off the screen, I turned back to the panel in front of me, glancing at the gauges. Everything was well into the green and the cargo hold was full and operating fine. This would bring me a right big stash of money which I planned to spend on a better shield generator. Connor could invent one for me, like he had invented the neural pulse cannon, though this was the first time I had used it inside the ship. The neural pulse did nothing to machines but as soon as it was released it passed straight into ships and knocked everyone unconscious. It was how I got away from pirates, even occasionally taking their goods if my own hold was low.

There was a beep by the door, the warning signal that someone was trying to enter. The beep flattened out, and the attempt failed. Again the beep and flat tone. The one on the other side of the door tried three more times. I opened the intercom, having it distort my voice slightly so that they couldn't use it to get in.

"Trouble?" I suggested mildly. There was no answer. The red light came on, and I laughed over the intercom as the beep went flat again, not accepting my altered voice. I saw Milligan walk away from the door, and I began to work.

I installed a program that wouldn't allow the intercom voice to open doors, and then installed a shield to the cockpit that would repel them. I considered how to do it, and then went for the simple thing: the only person who could enter the cockpit would be a female. That I secured into the system.

Then I yawned, feeling an uncomfortable itch in my body. I wanted my shot.

It was one of the reasons I didn't want anyone in there. That it was intensely private was true, but I also didn't want the people I traded with know that I was on sugar blue. My dose was low in my estimation, not really enough to truly affect me other than energizing me, but I was still addicted. It was a weakness, and I didn't want them using it.

Opening the door, I stepped out and locked in behind me. I saw Milligan by the table again, while Mickey was on the sofa, watching the movie. The dishes had been simply pushed to the side on the table, for me to take care of. This didn't help my mood or my itch.

I didn't talk to them, but walked straight across the room to my bedroom and was just about to step through when Mickey's voice came over to me.

"Going to take your shot?" he asked, as if he really didn't care. I knew he did it to irritate me.

"Nope, going to bed. I don't do drugs. I only trade legal, remember?" I said straight, and heard him laugh.

"You know I actually believed that the first time you said it?" he commented. I gritted my teeth. I didn't like the cocky way he talked, as if he had me figured out. I stepped into my room, and sat down on the bed. I really didn't need this. I looked forwards to when I was alone again.

I took my shot, and felt the rush. Suddenly the people I had on my ship weren't such a problem. I relaxed and stripped off my nice shirt, pulling on a simple string top and a light blouse spotted with paint.

Painting was exactly what I needed, I decided. Something that I could do to ignore the world.

I headed out of the room, quite happy to pretend that the other two didn't exist. Heading into the spare room, I grabbed my paints then settled down in the corner I had been working on. Laying out what I needed, I sat back and considered the wall. I decided it needed some red and yellow flowers, or maybe some pale blue ones, but that would need to be further over. Red ones it was.

I started mixing the paint, trying to remember the flower shapes. I couldn't.

Standing, I sat at the table still ignoring the person across from me, as I flicked through my pictures. I had at one point taken an album full of pictures from a park and used that to design my painting.

I found several red ones and two types in particular that I liked. The names were noted faithfully, but I didn't mind with that. If the shape was nice and the colour was right, then the names could be whatever they wanted to be: I was going to paint them, not talk to them.

Picking up a small charcoal, I sketched out a bunch of flowers quickly, and then began to apply paint. I used broad stokes for the base colour, outlining roughly the different colour areas before later going over them again with more colours and refining the outlines. Once the flower base was finished I went on to do the fine detail of the things I had broadly outlined last night.

I had no idea how long I sat painting before I decided I was finished for the evening. I saw I had done quite a bit more than I thought, even getting some sky details in, with curly happy clouds. I had smiled as I painted them. Putting my paints in their box, I started to wash my hands and brushes.

"You know, I have never seen that particular reaction to that drug before" said a voice beside me: it was Mickey, leaning against the bench beside me.

"Then you could ask me if I care" I said pleasantly enough in return, eyes not straying from the brushes.

"Do you often paint after shooting up?" he asked. I shrugged.

"Yeah. Makes things alright."

"Did you use the dose in the syringe?"

"Do you always ask so many questions?" I retorted still unperturbed. "Yes, that's the dose I use"

I thought I head Mickey whistle, and turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow in question.

"That dose should send you on a full trip" he said. I shook my head.

"I don't work like that. My body has a high metabolism. The drugs can't affect me right" he seemed surprised, but didn't say anything as I finished with the brushes and moved on to cleaning the palette. I preferred to mix my colours new each day. It meant that I had to buy new paints more often, but paint wasn't expensive in any way.

"What did you do before you were painting the wall?" he asked.

"I designed some dresses. Traditional ball gowns, stage dresses- the like. There's a theatre company that buys up whatever I make"

"And have you always been this artistic?"

"Probably just as long as you have been too curious for your own good" I said neutrally, heading for the other room. I put the paints in their shelf, and then cleared off the bed.

"You can sleep here" I said, turning to Mickey. He was leaning against the closed door. "What-?" was all I had time to say before he stepped forwards and kissed me.

I gasped into his mouth, as his hands moved to my hips. I felt the instinctual urge to move closer, but I wasn't sure this was what I wanted.

"No, please." I begged. "I'm… I'm not sure…" Mickey backed off just enough to look into my eyes.

"I won't hurt you" he said, his voice low and rough. I shivered lightly. Raising my hands to his chest ostensibly to keep him at his distance, I licked my lips trying to think of something to say. They tasted different, more like him.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked. He laughed a low throaty chuckle that sent a warm pulse down through my spine to my hips.

"Because you fascinate me. And because your room is sacrosanct" he said seriously. I opened my mouth to say something, but couldn't think of anything.

He kissed me again, and this time I wrapped my hands around his neck, drawing closer. I felt the scorching heat of his skin, and thought _what the hell_. If my life was going to get messed up, I might as well mess it properly: otherwise I could wonder later if it was worth it.

I woke up wrapped in a blanket and Mickey's arms, to a bleeping on the wall panel. Standing, I saw that we were in orbit around the planet that was covered with the central market. There was a hail waiting. I opened it speech only, since I wasn't exactly clothed.

"This is market patrol, unidentified craft please respond. This is the second warning" It said as I opened the channel.

"This is the ship _Silver Swan_, here to trade by permit" I responded.

"_Silver Swan_, identify your captain and transfer your permit."

"I'm the captain, my name is Tina Lingon. I'm transferring the papers now." I tapped the papers through to the other ship. There was a slight pause.

"Thank you, ma'm, it's all in order. Your landing place is clear. We are forwarding a news bulletin with the latest restriction changes on it" there was a beep to the computer, as the document arrived. I thanked them, and transferred the information to a notepad.

Turning, I saw Mickey was awake. There was a grin on his face.

"How in all the hells did you get yourself a permit?" he asked. I shrugged.

"It helps when you know some people." I said easily. "It's not a prime spot that I got, but its good enough. Costs a load in taxes, but is truly worth it." I sat down on the bed, kissing him. "So do we part ways here then?" I said. He nodded.

"Afraid so." He stretched out, running a hand easily down my back. "We might meet again though" he said.

"I would like that" I said, fluttering my eyes at him making him laugh. Then I looked at the tablet.

"Wow"

"What is it?" Mickey asked.

"They dropped all tariffs on goods from Ossetia! I have a few people on that planet who are willing to trade" I furrowed my brow in thought. The next few points were nothing to do with me, on alcohol imports. I didn't like dealing with alcohol since there were always swinging prices for them, and any problems in transport and it was worthless.

"Hm, the taxes on rice have risen. Why would they do that? They could cause a famine"

"They don't think like that, darlin" Mickey said. He had been reading over my shoulder. I sighed, and handed the tablet to him, grabbing my clothes. I needed to get on the ground, and soon.

Dressed, I headed out of the room, leaving Mickey to dress himself. Milligan was on the sofa, still dozing slightly. His eyes snapped open as I walked by but he didn't comment on the fact that I had spent the night in the room with Mickey.

The cockpit shield had held, and apparently not been tested. Milligan had probably felt no need once he heard me with Mickey. I coloured slightly to think of him hearing us. I lowered the shield, needing the power to make the precise landing. I left the door unlocked too, so after a few minutes, Mickey slipped into the chair beside me. He admired the place while I was manoeuvring through the stratosphere.

"And here is yet more technology that hasn't reached the outer rim yet" he said ironically. "And some that I honestly thought didn't exist. Like that pulse" he was going through my computer on the co-pilot screen.

"Just don't change anything" I replied distracted, steering into the proper decent, avoiding the strong winds that buffered the upper atmosphere in this planet. The ship touched down on its dock. A weather shield which had pulled back to let me pass through closed again, keeping the planet's heavy rain from getting in. I set everything to rights, and grabbed the flight records and cargo manifest as the guards approached.

"You don't have anyone on here with you" Mickey murmured and slipped out, no doubt to sit safely out of sight in the back.

"Do you really think I would risk my life to tell them? I _like_ life" I heard form the cabin as Mickey laughed at that. I headed out, and down the gangway. The guards where standing on each side of the landing official.

"Mr. Lorry" I nodded at him, handing him my papers.

"Miss Lingon" he said courteously in greeting. "Are you alone on the ship?" he asked.

"Yes" I said, with the same straight face as he also asked if I transported illegal substances or weapons to use against the 'authorities'. These were routine questions, and were only asked in case I had any on board, and if so they could throw me in jail. I had no intension of being thrown in jail, however.

"If you don't mind my asking, is all alright in the market?" I asked respectfully.

"What? Oh, yes. Business is booming" he replied, distracted.

"Then why the two guards?" I asked curiously.

"There have been some threats, very unpleasant" Mr. Lorry wiped his forehead. I looked concerned.

"But, why? Against you? Whatever for?" I cried out in confusion. I could hardly imagine why someone would want to threaten him. He hardly paid any attention to his job as it was; it wasn't hard just to go around him.

"Rebels. They declared this base a target. Just rebel rambling, but still dangerous" I raised my eyebrows.

"Well, if it's a target, I don't know if I want to trade here" I said bluntly.

"That's why they made it a target" one of the guards said. "They know all the traders will go around it if there is a danger." His voice was scornful, and I glared at him.

"I make my living off this trade. I have to do what I can to keep with the market. Threats against a base make me question how much I like trading there." He nodded curtly, though still looked scornful. The other guard simply agreed politely, throwing a glance at his partner. The scornful man was probably new, and had no idea that he was living dangerously insulting traders.

"I have quite a bit to trade; I'm going to request a transporter to my storages." I said, and Mr. Lorry agreed to send one, and bill my tab for its hire. He finalized the papers, and headed off to the next landing in his section. I looked around to check if they moved the security feed. They hadn't, it was still pointed at the cargo unloading hatch, as the authorities here were more worried if I smuggled something without paying tax than if I brought friends.

Walking back into the ship, I saw no sign of either Mickey or Milligan.

"They left. I can show you how to walk to avoid the camera" I said to the cabin, and both appeared like magic, one from the second bedroom, the other from the kitchen. I guess dealing drugs makes you good at hiding.

"Thanks, darlin" Mickey drawled. I smiled at him and went to grab my jacket. Though the weather was kept back, the constant lowering of the shields for ships to pass through meant a cold draft pulled through the base.

"I have a transporter arriving in ten minutes. You can be long gone by then" I tossed them some badges, two which proclaimed them visiting traders on a temporary permit. I strung my formal permit holder card around my neck on a chord. "Those badges should get you safely away from the docks. Please don't give me the trouble of letting them be found later" I said, in a pained voice, and a mischievous grin lit Mickey's face, though Milligan nodded seriously. If nothing else, Milligan would make sure that the badges were destroyed. I was, after all, now a viable part of their routes and networks. Keeping the friendship of a captain of her own ship was well worth it.

"See that line?" I asked, leaning out and pointing at a green line on the floor. They nodded. "They say that's there to keep people out of danger of the motors, but it's actually to keep people in sight. Walk on the inside of that line and the ship will block you." Milligan thanked me quietly and left. Mickey stood still, looking at me.

"Gonna miss ya, girl" he said. I grinned.

"Might even miss you too." I said, and he smiled back. "You never told me your title." I said after a short silence.

"Turnsbourne" he said.

"I'll keep an ear out" I promised softly.

"As will I, Tina Lingon" he said just as softly, pulling me into a hug. A last deep kiss and he was gone.

I saw two figures disappearing around the edge of the doorway, and knew this might be the last time I ever saw him. I shrugged, resigned. I would listen for him though, in the news: for many months I would listen to see if his name was ever mentioned.

The transporter entered the hall, and I sighed and started to unload my cargo.


	3. Chapter 3

It took two months to get the magistrate to trust me again: he said the next time I landed that he had been blackmailed about the box. I told him I had forgotten to clear it from my records when I arrived at the central market, and it was true I had. I knew I needed an excuse since that outpost was a prime location to stop off between hauls. It was small and not very well known except by people like me who looked for rest stops on the long hauls.

I took to walking in the markets, seeing the bargains but always keeping an eye out if Mickey should ever cross my path again. Sometimes I thought I was being watched as I was walking, and once when I was taking a short cut through an alley a couple of thugs had approached, but done nothing to me, glancing to somewhere over my shoulder. I liked to think that he was keeping an eye out for me, even though I heard nothing of him.

Three months after the alley incident, four months after he left I heard his name. The radio was talking away, but I wasn't really listening, then his name was mentioned and I zoned in.

"_It is thought this Turnsbourne is the one responsible for the heist, throwing the government of Lilia into a debt of millions of credits. The heist was apparently focused on precious minerals mined in mines that had not been previously announced to be in operation. The story came out through workers…"_

I grinned: he had hit a place that the ones who owned didn't dare declare they even possessed.

"_The Provost is now undertaking a thorough investigation into the entire proceeding, while a contract has been taken out on the man called Turnsbourne for several million. We will go over to the secretary of labour for the Provost to discuss the mines…"_

The radio announcer continued for some time, pulling many people up to the microphone and I got the general impression that he liked the idea of the establishment being robbed of something they had lied to possess. After listening to the rest of the show, I turned to the other channels, following up on the heist. Apparently the entire organization that Mickey led had gone to ground, and the minerals were yet to be found. I knew they were probably in refining plants already, being converted into something that could be sold innocently.

I laughed, and turned my attention to the manifest on my ship. I had done well since I had last seen Mickey and besides now having a shield that defied the gods themselves and strong but small laser cannon I had upgraded my light speed generators. It had cost a kingdom's ransom, but was so well worth it that I discounted the entire thing as a plus on my ledgers. The faster travelling now meant that I could do more jobs.

Looking over the goods, I decided to go back to the central market again. The threats had passed quickly enough (revealed as a saboteur that wanted revenge) and the place was even more booming than before. I was glad I had held onto my spot and permit which set a steady rate to pay, since that was now worth an insane amount. The central market had constructed rings around the planet as a dry dock which people could pull into, but it was truly inconvenient, and all it took was a mention of a planet-side dock to bring the good deals my way.

I landed on the central market to a flurry of activity. Apparently there was a bargain on the moment which cut import taxes on all who had planet-side docking permits. With my permit card hanging around my neck the merchants almost fell over themselves to do deals with me. I walked away very rich from a few days trading. I even joined in the game of on-base trading of goods, and felt that I could stay for a while. I put a percentage of my earnings away for the steep docking fees and taxes, but was really having fun.

I had arranged to buy a good deal of fabric and seeds by the time I was heading out. I thought it would be a great idea of giving it to my sister. Her colony was unfortunately not doing well, and I had already bought them out from a loan shark once, so a gift of seeds and cloth could not possibly be unwelcome. They were proud those on the colony, and didn't like 'Emily's sister's charity'. Fabric that they had to make into clothes themselves however and dry seeds they had to coax to grow were things that took work to make anything out of, and would be better received by the grumblers.

I was loading the last on the ship and closing the hull when I saw someone by the gangway. I had left the front part open as the entire sector was now locked down, due to the value of the docks. It was as hard to get in and out of these areas as it was to get into the inner rim.

I wondered who would be there, then shook my head. I had skipped my shot last night sitting up talking to a friend trader saying goodbye (we had played the market together, and had gotten close, often taking meals with his family) so as a result I could actually easily have imagined it. Finishing off, I got my clearance to launch.

I ran back to the gangway as the rain pounded through the opened weather shield, but didn't get under cover in time and when I walked into the ship, I was soaked.

I looked around as a matter of course. Maybe I had seen right and someone was here, but there was no one.

There came a cough from the bottom of the gangway, and there stood Mickey. He was soaked to the skin in the rain, but it was him, alone with the same smile and same look.

I ran down the ramp and flung myself into his arms. He laughed.

"Missed you too" he said, and leaned back slightly to have a look at me. "You look tired" he said, concerned.

"And you look thin!" I exclaimed, feeling his bulk was a good deal thinner than it had been. He was leaner now, and the strong frame had thinned. Now his muscles were wires instead of bunches, and he looked stretched.

"It's not so easy being a hunted man. Now, darlin, can we get out of this damn rain?" he drawled. I pulled him up the ramp readily enough, and closed the door behind us. He looked around.

"Ah see you finished the painting" he commented at the riot of colour on one wall. The landscape of green fields with grey mountains and blue sky made the entire room feel alive like it was vibrating. I grinned, thinking it had taken me a while to get all the details right.

"Yeah. Took about a month and a half after you left." I said easily. "I haven't figured out what I want to work on next"

Mickey smiled at me, stripping off his soaked jacket.

"Here" I said, showing him a small panel that pulled back to reveal a washing machine. "You can wash your clothes here". He grinned, and gestured at the small bag I hadn't noticed off his shoulder.

"It's not as if I'm floating in clothes, darlin" he drawled lightly. I laughed and told him to strip. Going into my room, I searched out a small box in the corner of the cupboard. It held all my experiments with men's clothing, and some pieces I had bought to study. I tossed it out the door to him with the explanation, and went to change my own.

I was in dry clothes and steering upwards when Mickey entered the cockpit. The trousers had been too long, as well as the sleeves so they were rolled up several times. I had made the chest piece well, but it stretched slightly over his shoulders. Mickey didn't seem to mind though.

"So, where are we headin'?" he drawled.

"First to Ossetia, to drop off several things that I sold to them, then onwards to the Kremlin stretch to buy up medicines to sell to colonies on the way to my sister's." I said easily. "How long are you staying this time?"

"Until they realize they can't find me and take the price off my head. Milligan is keeping things going until then." I glanced at him.

"How do you know you won't come back to a Milligan who doesn't want you there?" I asked, and he laughed.

"I forgot you don't know Milligan. He hates the 'lord' part of drug lord. He only agreed to cover for me in exchange for being allowed to use my ships to do his own trading on the side. He hates talking to people in the way I have to: he will be glad when I come home"

"Well then" I commented, focusing on the storms as I steered away from the stratosphere. "Damn!" I exclaimed when one gust tipped the ship slightly and I heard something in the kitchen fall onto the floor. "I hope that wasn't the fruit" I muttered.

Mickey smiled in agreement, his eyes again on my computer specifications. "You've upgraded" he said impressed. "Some of this stuff- who the hell makes these things?"

I grinned at his exclamation, and then gave a brief statement about Connor, my mechanic. I mentioned his absolute genius, but also his and his entire colonies extreme xenophobia.

"Xenophobes? Then how do you trade with them?" Mickey asked surprised.

"I come around so often and pay enough to them so they think of me more like a wayward sheep from the flock" I commented ironically, telling him about the time when I had the generators updated that the priest had come around to ask me to 'take my place' and to stop 'flinging myself into temptation'. I had talked him around by saying that some had to go wayward to make life better for those on the right path, sacrificing themselves for the betterment of others, and followed it up by a large donation to his church. After that he called me his little 'wandering bird' and seemed quite content to forgive my waywardness in exchange for generous additions to his chapel's funds. Mickey was laughing at the end of my tale.

I set the light jump co ordinates, and we left the steering to go into the back. I threw myself onto the sofa, exhausted.

"Urgh, I could sleep for a week" I said, and he chuckled. His hand caressed my face, and sat on the sofa, looking at me amused.

I leaned up and pulled him down to me in a kiss. After that our reunion continued more or less as I had imagined and dreamt in the months alone.

It was a few hours later when I was trying to avoid going to sleep on the sofa when Mickey whispered in my ear.

"Tina, I'd like to ask you something serious." He said, and I turned my head to look at him.

"What is it?" I asked, focusing my eyes on his face.

"May I enter your room?" he said seriously. To me now it seemed obvious that he would, since my bedroom was the bigger one with a double bed, but I realized that he had taken my fit of temper very much to heart. I considered it for a moment, taking it in seriously. If I let him in my bedroom, he would be the first I would willingly invite into my life. Then I realized I had already done that in a simple but profound way: I had taken his hand and pulled him onboard my ship. I had wanted him aboard.

"Yes, alright." I said seriously. He smiled, a smile of pure happiness, and his face shone with it.

I laughed, and then sat up. There was a slight head rush, then the sharp beginnings of a headache.

"Ow." I said, hand to my head. Mickey looked at me curiously, and I blushed. I would feel horrible having to admit I missed my shot. In that instant, I made a decision.

"I've been trying to go clean. It's harder than I thought" I said ruefully. "I've tried several times now, but never fully manage." I made a face, and Mickey sat up beside me.

"You're quitting?" he asked seriously. "Why?"

I gave him an incredulous look.

"Why now?" he amended. I smiled sheepishly.

"I kinda like the idea of being with you without drugs" I admitted. "I know it sounds silly to say a thing like that to a drug lord, but just to a man-"

"To a man it makes perfect sense" he said, then kissed my head. "Tina Lingon, I have never fallen for someone so fast and completely." He said seriously. I grinned suddenly.

"It's true isn't it though?" I said in realization. "I guess by fact I only met you twice. Not much of a long time relationship, but I feel like I know you… at the same time as I know nothing about you."

"And I you. Well, I hope the time we spend together will let us get closer." I laughed again.

"I like that idea" I confessed, then grabbed his hand and what clothes of mine I could easily reach and unlocked my room. He stepped in, looking around.

"I see how you would think this private. It's sort of like a den, isn't it?" he joked, and I realized he hadn't seen the inside of it. Just Milligan. It felt better showing it to him now properly.

"I like it this way, even though it's a bit of a mess" I confessed. I looked at the bed and saw I had forgotten to lay it properly, so the sheets were scrunched up, the deep red and gold's making it seem as luxurious as the rest of the ship while breaking the colour code. But that didn't matter in my room, because here I had many deep colours. The books on the shelves were coloured, with the clothes on the floor and the paintings on the walls.

I sat on the bed, dumping my clothing in the pile.

"I can clean up a bit if you don't like mess" I said uncertainly when Mickey said nothing. He smiled.

"Nah. I'll just start my own pile" he said easily tossing his clothes into another corner and joined me on the bed. It was strange to have him sitting there, right beside me, on the bed I had dreamed of him in. Leaning in, I almost fell into his kiss as he drew me down softly. This time the lovemaking was softer, slower. It was as if he was savouring it as much as I was, here in my room, the place that you had to earn a place in my heart before you could enter.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up to the wall beeping that we were an hour away from the first planet. I turned to tell Mickey, and found him face down in the pillows, not moving. My hand flew to his pulse, the other to his shoulder. I couldn't move him and instantly my heart rate accelerated. I felt the tug of panic as my fingers scrambled at his neck.

His pulse was there, and his breathing was steady once I pulled his face away from the pillows. That slowed my heart rate slightly, but I still felt the adrenaline rush in my body. Mickey woke with a start.

"What?" he asked confused, seeing my face, still with the traces of panic, hand on my chest.

"You scared me!" I exclaimed. "By all the hells, how do you breathe through the pillow?" Mickey smiled at my scolding.

"Sorry, I never think of that. I often sleep with my face in the pillow" he confessed, and I shook my head slowly.

"Well, at least it woke me up all right" I said. "We're an hour from planet fall" I said, and moved out of the bed. A hand grabbed my arm.

"Where are you going?" he asked, confused at my leaving.

"Just to take a shower" I said, kissing him lightly. "I'd invite you along, but there isn't space" he laughed at my sass, but when I slipped from the bed he fell back asleep. I got the feeling he hadn't dared sleep properly for a long while, and had a bit of catching up to do.

The shower gave me time to think about my decision to go clean, and I decided it was something I would like to do, so I dumped the syringe's dosage down the toilet. I tossed the rest of the stash too, even though there was little left: I had planned to buy more on the Kremlin stretch, but if I had nothing until then I would have been clean for several days, and that was a good start. I was told the first few days were the worst, making you sleepy as your body lost the energy supply it had come to count on. I knew I would sleep late, but by every estimation, it might just be as long as Mickey slept, in which case there was no problem. The headache I could deal with: a strong cup of coffee. I dressed silently watching Mickey sleep. He seemed so completely at ease that I got sleepy again.

I firmly headed out of the room, going into the kitchen and getting that coffee. I hated strong coffee, but I downed it faithfully and by the time I was in the cockpit steering the ship closer to the planet the caffeine had kicked in and the headache was smaller and I was wide awake.

Planet fall came easy here with a friendly atmosphere, and the unloading took a bare amount of time, as I received the second half of the payment for my things. The exchange was pleasant, the people having needed the raw goods I had transported to produce further on the market. It was clear from the way they talked they were thinking of opening up an industry. I offered cheerfully to do more dealings with them, even giving them the number to one of the lines connected to my ship, telling them to give me a call if they needed more raw goods or machines (at a reasonable cost, of course). They seemed quite happy to accept it, and I saw the boss tuck my card into the production folder, which was a better hint than if he tucked it in his pocket.

They arranged for me to come by in a few months to see what they needed buying and to search the market for reasonable goods. I added their planet to my common route.

Takeoff was easy after that, with a light cargo I could set a good speed to the Kremlin stretch, faster than normal at a mere eight days. Walking into the back, I saw Mickey in the kitchen. I couldn't see him properly as I had cupboards hanging from the ceiling and cupboards underneath them to reveal the chest part of a man cooking omelette without a shirt. I sneaked around the divider, having shed my shoes to walk silently across the floor and get up behind him. I waited until I was right behind him when I sprang, but he turned in the last second and caught me in his arms instead.

"Damn" I said happily. "What gave me away?"

Mickey grinned and pointed at the shadow on the floor. I hadn't even thought of the light cast, but it went past him, so he could see in on his far side in the corner of his eye as I sneaked up.

"Hope you like omelette" he said as he lifted me onto the counter, pressing himself against me.

"Love it" I murmured, kissing him. My legs wrapped around him and for a moment I forgot all about the omelette. "Guess what?" I gasped as his lips moved down to my throat. I tilted my head back, feeling his breath on the sensitive skin.

"What?" he murmured against me.

"Its eight days until next planet fall" I said, and he smiled.

"Eight days of you all to myself" he said. "I think I can live with that." I could only agree, because I had been distracted by his unbuttoning my shirt.

We remembered the omelette before it got black, but meals for the next three days came sporadically when we managed to get hungry enough to drag ourselves away from each other.

I don't think I could ever get enough of Mickey. Sometimes we simply lay and talked, and he told me of his life. His raise in stature to a drug lord happened a few years ago, and he was still building a powerbase. He had entered another arena all together, and the heist was just one of a string that he was doing to build up resources. I was right in thinking the minerals stolen were now being processed.

He told me little about his family, but what I heard I guessed they were a family that dated in a more or less straight line back to the original planet. It explained his accent, since I gathered his family was very proud of it. I couldn't get any family members names out of him, so I suspected they were dead. This was confirmed when he mentioned a house he had inherited on a planet called Shorn.

I also learnt of his personality. There was much of a child in one part of him: his love of the Game. He even viewed the drug wars as a game. He acted as he knew that there was a joke in the universe that explained everything and that he was a few words from the punch line. I always had to laugh when I thought of that.

There was another side of him that I saw too over those eight days. It was when he was at his work; I saw a determination that spoke clearly of a will of steel and a streak of cruelty towards the other players that was the trademark of those in the drug circles. It made for a complex person, and especially now, when he felt free of the restrictions that went along with the life of a drug lord. Here on my ship he could be himself, and I found that it was something that I felt would never get old.

The pangs of the drugs passed swiftly and I felt more optimistic than I had ever felt, that maybe I had really beaten it this time. I got used to waking up later, though every morning I had to check his pulse: the idea of him breathing through his pillow rubbed me the wrong way, and I knew that it would take a lot before I wouldn't panic at the thought.

By the eighth day I felt as comfortable with Mickey as I had been alone. This ultimate bliss was only overshadowed by my constant worry, gnawing at me and my confidence. I felt like it was too good to be true, to have this perfect man.

I sat and watched old westerns with Mickey as he emulated the people on screen, saying some lines after them when their accents were particularly thick, and then I would wonder if he would once use those lines on me. I liked watching the films, however: they gave me an excuse to do nothing, as my body was fighting on the road to recovery and exhaustion was a constant companion.

We would eat dinner at the table, munching down something thrown together. It was perfect, but I knew he would have to leave. I listened in the radio every day, and heard the hunt for him mentioned less and less. The new cycle was moving on.

On the eighth day we hit the Kremlin stretch and again Mickey stayed aboard as I went out to the Market and bought and traded to me the goods that I could sell onwards.

I had to actually hold my breath as I walked past dealers I knew dealt in sugar blue. I had to avoid the temptation. Once past, I smiled to myself. I knew I could do this; it was only a matter of not being around the drug for long enough.

Looking into the centres, I found the medicines I was looking for but they were more expensive than usual.

"There's been an attack on our supplier's planet" the nun said mournfully when I downscaled my amounts. "We can't sell as much so things can go very badly"

"Well, your herbs and bandages and the like are very cheap" I said, and she nodded, face still mournful.

"But who buys those things? Those herbs and such only work for those who know how to use them"

"You wouldn't happen to know a place that sells herb books?" I asked on inspiration.

"You could buy some of ours" she said hopefully. "We're selling off what we can to keep the orphanage afloat"

"I'll buy enough of those to sell with the herbs to the colonies. The books will probably be better received anyway. We orphans have to help in any way to our siblings" I said piously, and she turned sympathetic.

Leaning on my parentless past, I got the prices at a special deal, and when I left the nun looked considerably more optimistic, having just cleared out half of the stock she had up to sale.

I walked back to the ship happily, thinking of the massive deal I had brokered, and bearing with the sled loaded some smaller boxes of the normal medicines I would sell on the side.

Those were expensive though, so I would only sell them if the colony would go for the 'alternative' medications. Having glanced through the book, I saw that the 'herbs' were the base components out made modern medicine out of and knew they had every chance of working.

Glancing up as I came back to the dock, I saw the ship open. This made me suspicious at once, because Mickey had said that he had no intention of stepping foot outside the ship while his head was worth more to others than it was to himself.

I looked up at the cockpit, and saw that the room was still empty. I had locked the room, telling him honestly that whether he was caught or not, that ship was not being flown away. He had laughed and said nothing to it.

I tapped my watch, which doubled as a distance connection to the ship, and started reading the data. There was more than one person on the ship. Glancing at it, I guessed someone had found Mickey but I also guessed that they weren't any solders or some such since they would happily drag Mickey off the ship to the cells.

Glancing through the data, one of the programs I had written while I still wanted Mickey and Milligan off my ship sprang to the screen. I grinned an evil little smile, and wondered how many men were aboard.

Pulling around, I took the sled to the back entry, and had the sentry help me load the things.

"My boyfriend is with us, but he's real sick." I explained to the sentry. "I'd better call up and give him some of the medication I got for him." The man nodded. I headed around.

"Hey, Mickey!" I called up the ramp. "I'm back around the ship loading. I got that stuff you asked for. Be up in a minute" there was a silence from in the ship.

Right on cue, the sentry called around loud enough to be heard on board.

"He might be asleep, ma'm" he said earnestly. "If he's got that flu my son-in-law had. Then it might be best to finish off here then see to him."

"Okay" I agreed and walked back to finish loading. Once done, we parted ways with the sentry wishing my man the best in health.

I headed around the ship, box of medication in my arms, timer for the program set.

"Hail the returning victorious!" I declared grinning, stepping on to the ship. "I have it here" I raised the box slightly, and then pretended to freeze in surprise at the group that stood there.

Mickey was sitting in a chair at the table, gun to his neck. There were two men behind him, one sitting on the sofa and another on the table, muddy shoes on my nicely upholstered chairs. My eyes caught to my painting on the back wall, and the great big slashes right across it, running the painting forever.

"Set the box down and move away against the wall" the one on the table instructed. I did as I was told.

"My painting!" I said, voice raising some octaves. "Have you any idea how long that took me?"

"No" the one on the sofa replied, clearly not caring either. He then looked me over, eyes stopping at my hips and chest. His face twisted into a grin. "But if you were my woman, you wouldn't have time to paint a wall" he leered. I shuddered.

"What's in the box?" the one on the table asked me.

"Medications" I said honestly. They all laughed.

"Well, medications indeed. Perhaps it's best if I check, don't you think?" he replied.

"They're in for a disappointment" I said directly to Mickey. "It's all just cough medicine like you asked"

"Don't worry darlin." Mickey responded, "These are the types who work around disappointment" the others laughed again. One of the men approached the box.

"I wouldn't do that," I warned. "It could get unpleasant"

He ignored me, and opened the box. The pulse beacon I attached to the inside of the box shot up his arm and he collapsed in a heap. Suddenly I had all the men pointing guns at me.

"I said it would be unpleasant. He didn't listen" I said evenly. It was about one minute left, so I had to play for time.

"Why did you trap the box?" the one on the sofa asked harshly.

"I had to deliver it unopened, so I figured a small trap might be the best if someone tried to go for me" I shrugged. The one on the sofa put his gun away, laughing.

"Peppy. I like you, you fascinate me" he gave me another sick leer, gaze not reaching my eyes.

"Mickey" I said, "I'm sorry for this" they all zoned in on that.

"Oh, will you listen to her!" another called. "_Apologizing_ to the drug dealer." They sneered at me. I shook my head, hearing the beep countdown soft from my wrist. I locked eyes with Mickey for a second, and his face said clearly he knew I was up to something.

"Not for that, for _this_" I said with emphasis, and they looked at me blankly.

A moment later, I was the only one standing.


	5. Chapter 5

My wristband nullified the signal to my body, but left me with a current through my body that I endured uncomfortably.

I saw them writhe in agony on the floor, even Mickey. They fell unconscious one by one. Finally I let up the buzz, and began to work. Walking out of the ship, I stowed the sled in the cargo hold. I swiped my card in the wall panel before liftoff, paying for the sled. Then closed the ship and took off. In the ship I pulled Mickey into the cockpit. It was easier after he had lost that weight. I filled the outer cabin with sleeping gas. We landed on a barren planet in the Kremlin stretch, where terra-forming had managed an atmosphere, but no water or plant life.

I drove the sled around the ship to the gangway, and got it as close to the hatch as possible, after which I dragged and kicked the bodies of the invaders onto the sled. Mickey I set up on the sofa. I knew that I had to get rid of them permanently. Once on the sled I tied them up well enough so they couldn't move once they woke up, and then drove the sled away from the ship.

Mickey had woken and was stumbling from the ship while I was dosing the captives in motor oil.

"What are you doing?" he asked, astonished.

"They came onto my ship, they attacked my man, they _ruined_ my painting!" I cried out. "If they walk away from this, they could get others to do that again." Finished dousing them, I walked back to Mickey.

"They die" I said. "Or do you want to spare them?" He hesitated, and then shook his head.

"They would have killed us. I know one of them: I work against him. He's a drug lord himself. If he survived, it would get very dangerous" he looked at me.

"I'll do it" he said, eyes piercing me. "I don't want you to have their lives on your head." I stepped up beside him, handing him the lighter.

He took it, and slung an arm around my shoulders as he headed out to the sleigh. It might seem casual, but that blast had left him weak, and the easy arm was more for his support.

We reached the sled as the men began to wake up. They spluttered and strained. I felt like running away, or burying my face in Mickey's chest. It was easy to say they had to die, but I had wished they hadn't woken up. Now I had to face them. Mickey gave me a grave look, and tilted his head towards the ship. He was telling me to get back, to let him do it. I shook my head slightly, I couldn't back down. If by my planning these men died, it was their blood on my hands. I had to see this through; it was my deed, my sin.

"What is this?" the eldest demanded outraged.

"That would be motor oil" Mickey said in a friendly manner. They froze with looks of horror on their faces. Their eyes found the lighter in Mickey's hand.

"You don't have to do this" the one who had stared at my breasts begged. "We could go away, and leave your woman alone if you want. It could be like it never happened" his voice rose in the last bit, into a nasal whine, terrified.

Mickey simply shook his head, and the begging man wet himself.

"We didn't do anything!" one of those in the back called. "We simply followed orders! You could let us go!" he was clearly panicked and seemed quite willing to leave his master. I looked to Mickey.

"Just one couldn't hurt" I said softly to him alone, and from the corner of my eye I saw the man nod fervently.

Mickey pursed his lips, and then instead of answering lit the slide. The entire thing started burning and we pulled back fast, heading for the ship.

I felt the tears slide down my face. I had been a liar, a drug addict and at times a thief. Now I was a murderer too. We reached the ship quickly, both of us trying to tune out the screams. I had just come to the foot of the gangplank when the slide exploded. Fragments flew every which way, striking the hull and leaving dents. A piece came flying at us and knocked us over, leaving a deep cut in my calf.

I turned to see it bleeding freely, the serrated edge having cut the muscle. Mickey grabbed my arm and heaved me up into the ship.

He went straight to the box of medication, and pulled out a shot of anaesthesia, straight into my jugular. The pain zoned out within a few beats of my heart, but the bleeding didn't stop.

"Bathroom. I have a kit there" I gasped, trying to hold the cut closed with my hands, slipping on the blood.

I saw him plunge into my room, and then reappear momentarily with the kit. He grabbed a cloth and wiped the cut clean, and used a liquid that slowed the bleeding. Finally, he pulled out a strange metal device that I stared blankly at until he started to staple the cut together. I would have recoiled at the idea, if I hadn't just seen five men burn to death.

Finally Mickey bandaged the cut, closing it up tight and carried me to my bed. I started to zone out. I was unconscious when he came back to me, shaking me.

"Darlin, you have the cockpit locked. I need to get us out of here" I moaned at that and he picked me up.

I passed out again as he carried me across the main room, but woke up enough to mumble into the speaker so the door unlocked. He put me on the sofa this time, tucking me into the pillows and making a burrito out of me with the blanket.

I let my head loll against the pillows, not caring where we were going. I passed from the horror of consciousness to the torture of my dreams. I heard their screams, saw myself heave them onto that sleigh, and douse them. _Why did I do that?_ I screamed at myself over and over. A gun, a simple gun. One to the temple each, like the do cattle. My internal voice laughed cruelly at my crumpled conscience, and my dreams morphed into a blend where I killed those men over and over again, each time differently, each time it left them screaming as they burnt, my hands covered in blood.

I woke again on the same sofa, the pain drugs wearing off. I felt the stabbing pain and welded my lips together. I heard Mickey's snore coming from the chair, and saw him sleeping there. I couldn't say anything, couldn't scream.

I didn't want him to wake up, I wanted to be alone. I felt my eyes build up with tears. I began to wish none of this had happened. That I hadn't messed my life up like this.

_If only I had pushed him away_ I thought, with perfect sarcastic hindsight. _There is nothing worth this mess. I knew that when I stared, I knew that it would all go wrong_. I wanted to be alone, all alone on my ship, painting my wall. I wanted to be as if I had never heard of Turnsbourne, as if none of this had happened. I could have been at my sister's now, or maybe sitting in Connor's workshop, easy, not a care in the world, the drugs I took to be the worst thing in my life.

I snorted softly to myself. I got clean of my drugs just in time to kill. I never thought my life would be worse when I got clean.

I lay for a long time, guilt flowing into self pity into self loathing into depression into guilt as my brain cycled around what had happened and I tried every way I could to avoid dealing with it.

Finally I sank into exhaustion deeper than any before, and I simply lay and stared at the wall with blank eyes, enduring the mounting pain from my leg as punishment.

Mickey woke with a start, and looked over at me. It took only a glance at my face to have him fling himself to his knees my side.

"Darlin" he said, shaking me slightly. "Wake up"

"I am awake" I mumbled, still not looking at him.

"No you're not, you're in shock"

I looked at him slowly, turning first my eyes and when I couldn't see him properly, turned my head slowly.

"I guess I am" I agreed.

"Does your leg hurt?"

I didn't answer, and he shook me slightly again before pulling back the covers to have a look at my leg.

"By all hells!" he swore. "It's swollen. And inflamed. Why didn't you wake me, girl?"

"I deserve it" I mumbled, and he glared at me.

"No, you don't. Don't you dare go thinking down that path" he threatened. "Don't let it turn inwards"

"Too late"

He frowned, and then turned to my leg. Drawing the kit up again, he began to unwrap the bandages. I didn't bother follow any more because lifting my head hurt my neck, and I realized I didn't care.

"This is bad" Mickey said softly as he worked.

"Am I going to lose it?" I asked, not caring either way.

"Of course not!" he said, angry. "You will have a limp for a while, but it's a good thing I woke up when I did"

I let myself sink back into the pillows, discovering that I was actually mildly disappointed. I wouldn't have minded loosing the leg, considering.

It did register that I was in shock, but that didn't matter to me. I couldn't care less about such pronouncements. I was more interested in the idea of giving up my leg. It seemed like such good way to start repaying for the lives I had just taken.

That I had to repay that was not a question, I was a trader; things in my books had to balance out. Now I was in the red. I felt the metaphor almost swallow me up, _so far into the red_…

I tried to shake my head free, but could barely move it. "So tired" I whispered. Mickey looked at me, suspiciously.

"You're not going to give up on life now, are you?" he asked, on edge fearing my answer. I shook my head again.

"I have too much to pay." I said, using the analogy. "I have to balance it out, I have to pay it back" his eyes softened, and he leaned over to kiss my forehead.

"You will. You'll find a way to make it all alright again" he said. "Just stay alive, okay? For me?"

"Okay"


	6. Chapter 6

It was two days later of not moving besides when he moved me when Mickey finally snapped. I was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Tina, you have to make an effort" he forced. "You have to get your system moving. You can't just waste away." I turned my head away, I didn't want to listen.

"What about that debt? To repay, you have to move" he said, coldly, and I gasped. That was below the belt, and we both knew it.

"I don't have the energy. I can't move" I said, feeling like a child who complains at a hill. Mickey made me feel guilty. "Everything has gone wrong since I quit those drugs" I muttered. I saw Mickey hesitate.

"What if you get some, then?" he asked, as if he really didn't want to.

"I would probably feel better. But I dumped all of it" I replied evenly. Mickey still looked uncomfortable.

"You have some?" I gasped. He looked away as he nodded.

"Is that really surprising? I'm a drug dealer" he said harshly, but I got the feeling the harsh tone was pointed inwards. I saw then why he was so uncomfortable: he had brought some drugs, but when I had gone clean he had pretended he hadn't any.

I reached out my hand. He stood, looking reluctant.

"You can't go through this without it?" he asked, not moving further away. I simply moved my hand a little towards him.

Heading into my closet, I heard him mess with something in there, probably his pack. He came back out with a syringe.

"Tina" he said, but couldn't seem to think of anything more.

I got the drugs, and shot it into my arm. Slowly, I felt the rush building. It hadn't been too long since my last shot, and my body responded immediately. I felt energized, lighter, and stronger. The sugar blue did its job- it speed up my body, bolstered it, giving it energy that it did not have.

Pulling myself up, I looked at Mickey. For the first time in a few days, I truly looked at him. He was struggling, that was clear. I saw the emotions built up behind his control, threatening to flood him. I wondered if the dam was about to burst.

I thought of a hundred things to say, and then discarded them as I stared at him, each one risking a break of the barrier.

"Should I have done it otherwise?" I asked softly, cringing at the thought. "I mean, I doused them in motor oil!" I laughed roughly, and then drew a deep shaky breath.

"Could you have shot them?" Mickey asked softly, and I shook my head.

"Not more than one." I said honestly. I would have shot one, but I knew then I would have lost my nerve.

"How close was that planet to where we had docked?" he asked in the same soft voice.

"Half an hour's light jump" I said.

Mickey shook his head. "Too close for leaving them behind because they would have been found. And I don't think that even together we could have shot them all. You could have gassed them" he suggested, but it was my turn to shake my head.

"I don't put poisonous gas into the canisters into the living quarters. Only sleeping gas and that's only for an emergency."

I saw Mickey think it through, and then nodded.

"I don't think we could have done it any different, darlin" he confessed, looking at his hands. I guessed he thought they were just as red as I thought mine was. I considered that for a few moments, and then settled it in my head.

"I'm giving the medicines away" I said, decided. "I won't sell them. I don't think I could take money from them." I twisted my hands, and thought of how I felt about that load.

_Tainted_ was a good word, that money would feel tainted.

Mickey nodded. He looked away.

"I have my own repaying to do, but my way is different" he said. I looked at him curiously. "I'm going to ruin them, every mother's son" he said angrily. I sensed that he had done what I hadn't managed: he had turned the hate outwards.

"They tried to destroy me in the Game, well now I'm going to beat them all with their own tricks. I'm going to make sure something like this never happens to us again."

I saw then clearly how our thinking was divided, and from this second always would be. I loved him, and he loved me, but we had missions now, and they were very different. I would repay by giving what I could, to seek repentance. I knew my life was going to get hard.

He would repay blood for blood. I wondered at that I ever thought that was a surprise. Mickey had never been what all those different holy books called a _good man_. Maybe he was a bad person, maybe he was the kind of person I should have run from, locked myself away from but it was too late now. I loved him; good for bad, to death do us apart.

"Do we part ways, then?" I asked softly. "For a while at least" I amended when he looked up sharply.

"Yes" Mickey nodded. "It's time I stopped running and started fighting." He gathered himself up, and set his jaw. I saw that he was ready to start that life.

"Let's make a promise." I said rashly. His face turned to mine, expressionless. "Let's not look back"

He seemed to wonder at me for a second, and then agreed. We wouldn't look back, and each in our own way.

"Where are we headed? You're flying the ship" I reminded him. My words shocked him out of thought.

"One of my bases" he confessed. "The closest one to here. It's just an old ship floating in space, but its serves its purpose. I have what I need to get onwards from there"

Against my will, my eyes flooded with tears. "I wish this hadn't happened, that you didn't have to go away" I said suddenly, and Mickey tucked me into this arms.

"Shh" he said into my hair. "So do I, but we promised. We won't look back. Don't cry, darlin, and don't look back"

I gulped my tears, and sat still in his arms while we both thought. I thought about my promise. If I would never look back again, I had to change. I knew that.

I had to change how I traded, how I lived. I couldn't live for the Game now, couldn't just count the deals as profits to be spent on fun and random pastimes. I had to do some good work, and I knew that the good work was harder than I had done before.

Likewise, Mickey had to do some bad work, and in a strange twist I felt that that bad work might just be as hard as the good work.

We sat and said nothing for a long time. Then I drew away.

"How about some food?" I asked, not wanting to break the silence, but my stomach was painfully empty. He nodded silently.


	7. Chapter 7

I stood up on one good foot, then leaned on Mickey as we headed to the kitchen. We had just one evening left together, and I felt like this was a goodbye as we sat on the sofa watching a film.

We watched a western, filled with cowboys doing the right thing, and shoot-outs but I didn't pay attention. I couldn't focus on anything but the sense of parting we felt between us.

"If I come back to see you some time- if I want to be with you, for a while at least- where do I go?" I asked softly as the credits rolled.

Mickey hesitated, then "Shorn" he finally said. "My main base is on Shorn. Or at least, it will be."

I nodded, and then said nothing for a while.

"I'll give you a code. It'll let you get close." He promised, and I smiled.

"We seem to have chosen our paths. Or in a way, have them chosen for us" I noted.

"Even if we have, I intend for my path to cross yours as often as I can." he said, kissing my hair.

"No." I answered, and he looked surprised and I thought for a second I saw hurt. "No, let me come to you. That way, what happened can't happen again" he was placated and his face smoothed out. I looked at the now-blank screen.

There was a beeping, and we had arrived. Mickey glanced up.

"I better let the men on base know it's us before they shoot." He said, jumping up and heading into the cockpit. I waited, and felt more than heard as he steered us up to the ship and docked.

When Mickey came back into the room, it seemed like the small time alone was enough to change his mindset: he had finished saying goodbye.

He opened the door, and walked down the ramp. I wondered if he was just leaving like that, nothing more. My heart sank, and I felt hurt.

Then he reappeared. He had two things with him, a small case, and a stick. It looked like a stick, at least.

"This is a cane" Mickey said. "It'll help you walk." He handed it to me, and I stood. It seemed awkward, but it did its job in being steady enough to stand in the place of my failed leg.

"This is a supply of sugar blue" he handed me the case. I looked at him in surprise, and then peeked in the case.

"There's six month's worth here!" I exclaimed. His mouth thinned.

"At least I know it proper sugar blue. Some of the stuff on the market these days is more poisonous than anything else" he said, then added under his breath "you would think they were trying to kill their customers"

I laughed at that, and he gave a sheepish smile.

"And maybe this will make you come back to me" he said.

"Honestly Mickey! I would have come back anyway. I said I have things to do, but I'm not intending to stay away forever." I retorted, and he had the manners to blush.

I stepped up and kissed him. "But thank you anyway."

"The password is in the case, when you do come back." He said. I saw him twitch slightly; knowing he wanted to be away, to use the new found determination to start on his new resolve.

"I'm off" I said cheerfully. "See you soon again. At six months at the latest" I teased, setting the case on the table. He laughed.

"See ya, darlin" he said, grabbing my waist with his arm, and kissing me one last time before he walked out.

I closed the door, the headed to the cockpit. I saw Mickey standing on the dock, watching with two men beside him. I smiled, and then started the engines, pulling out of the dock and Mickey's life. For now.

The first stop I did on my new life was a truly devastated colony. They were all staring as I landed, and I stared back as I left the ship. There was not a single person in the whole colony that was not dressed in rags.

"I come with supplies" I announced to the group, and heard the intake of breath all around the group.

"I have medicines, seeds, and cloth. Some food, but not much." I said, and one stepped forwards.

"And what will it cost us?" he demanded. I looked seriously at him. His form was thin enough so that I saw the shape of his ribs through his clothing.

"Nothing. This isn't a trade: it's a charity mission" I said honestly, and their eyes lit up. Though I saw many were still sceptical, they followed me willingly enough around the ship.

"What's with your leg?" the designated spokesman demanded. I sighed.

"I got shot at the last colony." I said, inventing on the spot. "They decided not to believe I was giving the things away for free. Preferred to shoot"

He raised an eyebrow at that.

"What happened to this colony? It's a fertile planet!" I demanded in response.

"Plague. Carried off most of us, and we haven't enough strength to harvest." He replied blandly.

I opened the hatch. "You have a 500 unit allowance. You can choose to take as many of either seeds or cloth or medicine. Food you will get a share." I announced. "I'm sorry it's so, but there are many colonies I have to visit" I added.

"Only right that we take our share" an old man said. "Couldn't ask to take what goes to others" the others seemed to agree, some even nodding. I took the leader into the hull, and he looked carefully over the items, and then asked to have some time to talk to those on the colony. I told him he had one day.

They left, gathering in their square. I closed up the ship and went to wait in the front part. Staring at the painting on the wall, I knew I had to paint it over: it was well and truly ruined.

It took the villagers an entire day. I let the ship search out the voices and listened as they argued. Many wanted as much food as possible. Others wanted the seeds.

There were some it seemed who wanted to take it all. They seemed to have quite a bit of a gathering until the leader pointed out acidly that I had a ship, I could just fly away. He retold what I had said, saying that I must have been through that before, and had left. Those people no doubt got nothing for their efforts, others added. The hotheads simmered down.

I was halfway through painting the wall white before they returned. Leaving the ship, I went to confer with them. They had chosen a balance that would get them as much of all of it as possible.

Once in the hull with the leader again, I meted out what they wanted, and they carried it and the food victoriously into the village.

"I will return again in maybe three months?" I said, making it a question. The leader nodded.

"Thank you." He seemed to be putting as much emphasis on the words as possible. "You have given us a chance to survive the winter."

"It will be the same as before" I warned. "I could get some technology as well, but I can't give that to you. I will lower the price as much as possible, but generators are expensive." I felt bad for demanding payment, but the man simply pursed his lips.

"We have a quarry not too far from here. There's magnesium in the mines, I know that" he suggested. I brightened.

"Then…" I calculated in my mind. "Ten standard units? No, make that five. I'll recuperate the losses somehow" I promised. He looked surprised.

"A basic generator would cost at least twenty." He said in a shocked tone.

"Just mine as much as you can spare the men for, I'm not asking for more" I said placating. "You do have work to do to restore the colony after all" I said, and he nodded. Holding out a hand he looked me in the eye.

"Three months" he said, and I took the offered hand.

"Three months" I agreed, then left.

The next colony was in better condition, and they preferred the seeds. I was shocked at the ragged shape of all the colonies. They were poor in the extreme.

The next was as poor at the first, the third half dead already. There I had to stay a while, giving most of my food and helping burn the bodies of the dead. I gave them a larger portion, and promised to see them again in three months, like the rest. Many were crying at the thought of the help. At each colony I offered a natural resource in exchange for a generator, and at each one they managed to think of something they could sell and promised to gather it up.

I noticed in colony after colony that there were so few children, as if the women couldn't spare the energy to bear children. I started to wonder and plan. After visiting my twentieth colony, I headed back to the general market.

I had plenty of money stashed there, and I had many plans to use it. I searched the market for the lowest grains, and the most medicines. I went for that which was years past the modern, since it was that which I could buy in the largest bulk. I filled my ship with tools and grain and even after hefty bargaining, twenty small generators. They were old and basic, but well worth it. I had cut heavily into my funds, and started to wonder how much help I could actually be.

Arriving back on the first colony, I felt my spirits rising. I saw they had made new clothes and patched the old ones and were tilling the fields, some already planted. I was greeted with shouts of happiness.

"So you did come back!" the leader called, pulling me into a hug that almost toppled me over if he hadn't caught me.

"I came back, and I have grain, and even better: new tools" I announced, grinning.

"Well, the grain will be welcome indeed, but not as much as the tools" he laughed.

"They're an older style, but good enough." I confessed, but he waved it away. Letting them into the hull was like letting a group of children into a candy store. They exclaimed at the things I had and began to bargain immediately at their five hundred units. I was surprised how easily they accepted the limit.

"Come here" I said to the leader, and he followed me curiously into the quiet back. I knelt by a box, and opened it to reveal the generator. He gasped and fell to his knees, looking at it.

"Its second hand, and a bit old, but steady enough" I said quietly. "It will produce enough power for your colony, but I'm afraid not much more"

He shook his head. "We can handle old machines, and I don't care how many hands it's gone through. This will bring us through the winter" he said, then looked guiltily at me.

"We only managed three units" he said sheepishly. "Of magnesium, I mean" I smiled.

"Three is better than nothing and selling it will mean I have money to come back another round" I informed him, and he grinned.

"And next time you come around we will have more. Perhaps those mining tools will come in handy" he said.

"And if you get up a production, I can sell it for you. I have good contacts; you will get a good price. Enough to maybe get your own trading ship one day" I said, and he laughed.

"That would be a dream indeed." Then he sobered. "If any are alive at that point."

I looked curiously at him, and he sighed.

"The plague made us sterile" he said sadly. "There will never be children on this colony. I felt surprised.

"Why don't you adopt?" I blurted out, and he shot a look at me.

"Adopt?" he asked, suspiciously.

"Yeah. From the orphanage. There are loads of children living just waiting for parents. If you want to, you could take some in. being orphans, they are used to hard work" I suggested, then backtracked. "Though you don't have to if you want to. Just think about it"

He nodded, seemingly lost in thought. Then he said "do they cost much?"

I sighed heavily.

"Adopting is free" I explained. "I can arrange it, if you want. Think about it. It doesn't have to be now, but it would do the universe some good" he grinned at that, agreeing that indeed it would.

They invited me to stay the night, and I laughed at the young men and women as they capered around the large bonfire in the centre of the village. We feasted off the foods I had brought.

I did not, however, miss the fact that the elders of the village were closeted off for most of the night.

That morning, I was preparing to set off when a large group approached me, led by a woman who seemed formidable even in her starved state.

"You say you can bring children?" she demanded in a loud voice, and everyone turned to stare.

"Yes" I said, shocked. "If you want them, that is"

"We do. We want children, Miss Lingon" she announced. I felt my eyebrows lift.

"Well, I would certainly love to bring them to you, but you will have to tell me more: how many children, what ages, girls or boys, the like" she looked shocked.

"We have a choice?" she said, as if the thought hadn't crossed her mind.

"There are more than five thousand orphans in the orphanage on Mede Six." I drew myself up. "That's where I came from. I always wished for someone to adopt me, even if I had to starve in a colony I would have loved it above the hell that I lived in"

The woman couldn't think of anything to say.

"I would advise families to consider if they want any and how many and what ages. I'll be at my ship until this afternoon." I grabbed my bag and walked off. The cane was fast becoming my firm friend, and I was used to a lopsided gait now that took me forwards as fast as proper walking. I also found to my curious fascination that people treated me with more respect when I had the cane.

Sitting on a knoll by the ship at noon, I saw what seemed like the entire colony approach, the formidable woman walking in the forefront alongside the leader.

"We have decided." He said. "Each family has decided. We want the children." He handed me a list of ages and sexes attached to names, and I chocked. The list went into thirty children.

"This will take some time to arrange" I said. He gave a slightly mischievous grin.

"Oh, that's alright. We'll see you in three months"

"Three months" I said, nodding. I stumbled back to my ship, quite bowled over by the amount of children. Taking off, I started to worry about how to go about this. I had planned to talk to each colony and offer them the chance to adopt, but if each one wanted thirty children then my life would be hell for a while.

I shook my head stubbornly. I remembered the time I spent in the orphanage, and all the daydreams I had that I would be taken away. Even if I had to transport children in bulk, I would do this.

Creating lives for children and building communities out of colonies seemed a good way to work at repaying all I owed.

The next colony was also doing better. They stored their quartz beside the magnesium and I gave them the generator. Once I had offloaded the five hundred units, I told them about the children they could adopt. They gave me a list of ten children. I added them to the list that I already had, and thought that I would have to bring a good deal of money to buy that many children, even in Mede Six.

Colony after colony came and went, until my hold was empty of food and full of raw gatherings and I had list of a hundred and twelve children. This would have to be done in steps.

I flew to Connor, who would know what to do.

"Why are ye so desperate to give these folks children?" he asked in surprise as I blurted it out to him. Then I paled.

"I have a debt to pay" I said, staring him in the eye.

"So it finally happened, did it?" he said wisely. "You finally saw the beast on the outside."

He nodded to that, but agreed to do a transformation to my ship. I got place for fifty children, beds and food. Connor even offered some of his own cloth to bed sheets. I was going to refuse, but the entire city suddenly was offering too. They had heard what I was doing, and was helping. Some came with food and others children's clothes. The pastor seemed to have preached the divinity in giving to good will, and I was overwhelmed.

"You are doing a good thing, child" the pastor said, with a disconcertingly piercing stare. "I told you to that bad things happened outside, but this way at least we can spread the good word a bit." Then he handed me a pile of bibles to give to 'those poor souls' in the colonies.

Then I flew to Mede Six. I felt my spirit quail as I approached that place. I saw the dark smog that surrounded the industrial planet where they worked the children. I guess not much had changed once I landed, because they took one look at my glossy sophisticated ship and hurried me to the head mistress.

"Well, what can we do for you today?" she said in a simpering sweet voice when I was sat across the desk across from her.

"I wish to trade" I said, the words that had been spoken over and over through time to start negotiations.

"Indeed, we welcome all custom" she smiled.

"I have clients on colonies who have found their fortune and now desire children" I said, piously. "I agreed to act as go-between"

Her face changed to eagerness. They were always ready to sell children.

"Of course! It would be so wonderful for our dear charges to find fitting homes." She trilled, "How many are they looking for?"

"112 to be divided between twenty colonies" I said bluntly. She looked shocked for a moment.

"Why! I don't know what to say, there has rarely been such a demand!" she was fluttering. "So many children! Are you purchasing that entire sum?" her eyes narrowed greedily at the end.

"You will find this sum generously covers all the children" I said casually, pushing a tablet across the table. She grabbed it, and looked it over. Her face lit up, and I knew I had calculated right. The sum was a hefty one, and would well cover all the children.

"Once we sign the contract, I will pay half now and half when the children are delivered." I said.

"Why split the sum?" she asked, confused.

"My ship only holds fifty at the time" I said, and she nodded wisely. I would have to do two trips.

"Here is a list of the ages and gender of the first fifty. How fast can you have them to me?" I asked, handing her a list. She looked it over, then rung a bell.

A woman in grey entered and took the list silently, looking over it. She nodded, and then left.

"An hour at most" the head mistress promised sweetly. "Tea?" she offered.

I sat, and pretended to enjoy myself while we chattered. Finally after what seemed like an eternity the grey woman came back in.

"They are gathered at the dock, Mistress" she murmured, and the mistress smiled at me in the same sickly sweet manner.

"Oh so wonderful, isn't it?" she said. I nodded, then tapped the pad once

"The first sum is now transferred. I shall return in two weeks for the others. Shall I give you the qualifications now?" I asked blandly. She trilled happily.

"Of course! So much more wonderful to prepare the little chimps!" she sang out in her falsetto.

I left. The children were indeed waiting in the docks, a mixture on apprehension and hope in their faces. I got them all into the cargo hold, now two levels with soft beds and a girls and boy's bath. They were looking around amazed as we took off.

Setting the first colony into the computer, I headed through the new connecting door to the cargo hold, and gathered all the children on the top floor.

"Look, first I want to say that I know the life you lived, I lived it too. I was sold to Mede Six when I was a baby, so at least I can sympathize" they nodded carefully.

"You are going to become colonist's children." I said. "It's not an easy life, there's much hard work involved. But if you're up to it, there's love in it for you, and a better future"

"We get to be loved?" asked a little girl, and I nodded.

"Thirty will go to the first colony. I will introduce you to your new parents. Speaking of families," I said, pulling a notepad out.

"Raise your hand if you are four years old" several hands went up and I looked over them, pointing at each and saying a name. "Thrombson, Leemark, Haywright, Thund, Smith, Peterson. Remember these names, they are now yours." They nodded seriously. "Do you want me to write them down?" I asked, and they shook their heads. "Can you say them back to me?" I asked, and one by one they repeated the names perfectly.

"Good. You can go and take a bath then get some sleep" the six melted away. "Next, five year olds" I asked, and more hands went up. I went through all the names, and had them repeated back to me before I released them. Finally I was left with three twelve-year-olds.

"You have your names here, pick your own" I said, showing the tablet, and they each picked a name. "You are the oldest of the children; you have to keep an eye on them. Make sure that they go to their parents" I warned, and they nodded seriously. I turned to one. "You will go to the leader of the first colony. That was the name you chose. You're going to have to make sure the others behave" he nodded seriously.

"Each of you goes to a different colony. We will arrive at the fist one tomorrow. Be ready then" I waved a hand at the back of the room. "There is food and fruit in those cupboards. Be aware your new lives will not have this much food"

None complained, and they took their lot silently. I wondered if I was doing the right thing, then dismissed the idea. These children would work in the fields, but at least they would be out of the smog-drenched factories. There they wouldn't live long.

Halfway through the evening, a small girl appeared in the doorway. I glanced up from the ledgers.

"Are we really going away?" she asked, clutching her blanket. I sighed, and then opened my arms. She walked up to me, and I pulled her onto my lap.

"Yes. You are going to go live with a family that will love you" I promised, secretly praying desperately that this would be so. "What was your name?" I asked.

"Mary. Now I'm supposed to say Mary Thund" she said seriously.

"Well, Mary Thund, you get to meet your parents tomorrow. They will be poor, but their hearts are good. I wouldn't take you too them otherwise" I said softly. She nodded. "Could you do something for me?" I asked, and she looked up with wide eyes.

"When we land, there will be a time when everyone goes quiet, just when I say you're all here" I said. "I want you then to say your new name and ask for your parents. Could you do that?" she nodded. I smiled.

"Atta girl! Now, go sleep. You will have a long day tomorrow, you need rest" I said, and set her down. I looked up and one of the older children was there.

"Could you make sure Mary gets some sleep?" I asked them, and they nodded seriously.

They left, and I went back to my books. I started at the start of what I had spent and worked through it. I had spent well over three quarters of all the money I had stashed up, and would have to do a good deal of trading to get those reserves back. I also saw with a pang it was five months since I had last seen Mickey. Once this was over, I promised myself, I would go see him.

We arrived the next day, and I separated out the thirty that would be living here. The rest stayed on the ship, with the promise that _soon_ they too would find a new home.

I saw the village walk up as I herded the children off the ship. They stared at the children like parched people stared at water. I stepped in front of the children.

"They are all here now" I said, gesturing to the children, and paused. I waited, and hoped.

"Thund" came a little voice after a moment. The colony zoned in on the poor girl, clutching her blanket to her. "I'm going to be Mary Thund" she continued, and a woman stepped forwards.

"Hello, Mary. My name is Luisa, and I'm going to be your mother" she said. The little girl started at her, and then threw her arms around the woman's neck. The woman picked her up and walked back to her husband.

"Are we going to have a little boy, too?" the man asked smiling slightly at the crowd. A small boy picked his way out of the group.

"I'm peter" he said, and the man stretched a hand out seriously to him.

"Hello peter, I'm Thomas. I'm going to be your father" he said. Then he picked the boy up.

"Thank you" he said, and they turned, heading into the village. This seemed to start a flood, as the children called out their new names and the new parents found them. I watched a community form as with tears and hugs, families were created. Glancing at the leader, I saw the twelve-year-old standing with the mans hand on his shoulder. His wife had a small boy expertly balanced on her hip. The leader nodded gravely, then they ushered the large group into the village. They wouldn't need me here now.

I walked back onto the ship, and saw the children that were left standing quietly in the doorway.

"Will it be like that for us too?" one asked, yearning clear in his voice. I nodded, and then smiled.

"We're off to the next colony, what you say to watch a movie?" I asked, and their eyes glowed with excitement.

Taking off, I arrayed the children around the screen and picked out an old hero movie, which seemed to captivate them. The next colony wasn't so far away, and we reached there by the end of the day, even though on the planet it was noon.

The small colony took the ten children in with gusto, having clearly prepared. The houses were vigorously cleaned and the gardens were neat. It seemed the thought of children had made a barren place come together and form a home. These children were in for a hard time, but from the looks on the faces of the new parents, it probably wouldn't matter to them. I saw the love I had promised already there, and felt like a little part of me fell back into place.

"I'm going to take you to the next colony together." I told the last twelve. "You make up the amount to the next colony" I said, and they gladdened. I saw that they had felt left out as they watched their companions greeted lovingly, and dearly wanted a place of their own. It was clear how much they wanted a place, when they literally threw themselves into the arms of their new families, prompting some questions about the orphanage. I answered honestly that I thought it was a horrible, disgusting place. I saw the answer to that in their sudden determination to make a 'proper' home for their new children.

I left for the next bunch. Breathing a sigh at being alone, I felt like this might go far to what I had to repay. Maybe if I made sure these colonies did well, then those lives could balance out the men I let burn.

I shook my head hard at the images rising suddenly in my head. _Don't look back_ I repeated, over and over to myself.

When I arrived at Mede Six, the mistress had a surprise for me, in the form of sixty two children.

"I'm being audited." She snapped. "Take the children, send the money and don't talk to anyone"

I did as she said, giving her the money. Then suddenly I had a hull so full of children I didn't know what to do. I told them the same that I told the last bunch and divided them up by colony, each getting a certain amount of beds. I fretted a lack of space, but the older ones told me not to worry. They explained in world weary terms they were used to it, and understood when I said I couldn't leave any behind.

I set extra speed to the colonies, food running out fast. At the eleventh colony, they told me the news that they had heard that Mede Six was closing and the orphans sent elsewhere. I told them that I had to take all the children in one go, and if I hadn't, I didn't doubt I wouldn't get them all.

"Ye did the right thing" one woman told me, firmly holding on to her new daughter. "A bit of a squeeze now is better than not getting them at all" the others nodded around her, and I felt grateful.

Two weeks and an empty hold later, I turned my ship to Shorn. I had to confess I was low on resources now. My power cells were in dire need of recharging, and I had given all my food to the children. I was living purely on my drugs, and knew that I would collapse soon.

"Identify" came a strange voice as I approached the system where the planet Shorn was.

"Tina, of the ship the _Silver Swan_." I said in the microphone. There was a silence down the line, and I fed the code I was given into the channel quickly.

I held my breath as I waited: normally I wouldn't be worried, but my power reserves were so low it was fly or shield. I didn't like those options. Finally a voice crackled through the speakers.

"Clear." Was all it said, and a list of co-ordinates followed. I set off to the place it pointed to, a ship ghosting by me, maintaining a superior fire position all the way down. I gasped as I saw the house.

Mickey had made his home sound small and old. What I saw was amazing. It was like an ancient majestic desert manor house. Out from that I saw a settlement with an overflow of buildings that all shared the red-sandstone building blocks with the main house. It was clear here was a headquarters of someone very powerful.

I landed in what looked like a deserted dock. Feeling like I was still watched, I cut all power and lowered the gangway while still in the cockpit. That should be a gesture of good faith to whoever was watching, as it meant I couldn't take off and more importantly no power meant that I was unarmed: the equivalent of putting your hands up.

Heading down the gangway, I looked around in amazement. It was incredible, and I had a hard time keeping it from leaking into my face and gaping like an idiot.

"Miss Lingon?" I turned, and saw a figure I recognized.

"Milligan?" I said happily.

"Indeed" he said. Then he looked at me sharply, "You are unwell" he noted.

"Ran out of food a week or so ago, been too busy to stock up" I shrugged. I saw Milligan's lips purse, and knew he thought that I should have taken better care.

He led me through the halls of the docks and into other buildings. As we approached the big house, I saw him waiting in the doorway.


End file.
